Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Past 9 Year's Ago.

I still remember the day on 15th June 2002. It was the day i confessed my love to a girl i fall for. She was someone i consider real in life. She is someone that does not hide her real opinion. Some might consider her rude and harsh but i consider it as honesty. To others, she display herself for who she while some choose to wear a mask to face other peoples. She was young naive but has the strong mentality to move forwards for what she want. She is a type of strong women that has her own opinion that will not waver due to others opinion.
I did not fall in love at her at the first sight. It was more like a friendship that openly discuss our view and without any sort of word censorship at all. But during the course of a years of knowing her, i have fallen for her. Yet while during the move naive stage of my life. I have never consider her feeling on whether does she think of me more than a friend at all.
I still remember it was afternoon around 12.30 p.m. school was out for the morning session, i was talking with a former friend of mine about her. I was deciding whether to confess or not to the person i have fallen for at that time. Still to this day i do not know why i decide to choose to confess that day. Thus i decide to find her to confess my love for her. While in search of her, i have thought what if she rejects me what should i do.... at that time i do not know what can i do at all. But i know that if i do not confess i will regret for the rest of my life without knowing the answer.
After 10 minute of search, i found her outside of the lab room with her friend. At that time my heart was pounding so i approach her with a greet of hi. She greeted me back. Then i ask her, can i talk to her for a moment in private. She say okay while noticing my serious face. We move to aside with lesser people around to talk. It was there i confess my love to her with just one sentence :I love you". She was stunned for a moment before she reply me with sorry...... that is the part i remember the most as the rest is hazy during the rejection. I was not able to remember the rest of the conversation only knowing pain in heart. Only i remember one last sentence i say, i understand it's ok. Then i walked away from there.
That was 9 years ago, during that period i have not talk to her at all other than glimpse of her. Despite she is my other friend's sister, i choose to not see her in order to avoid akwardness and not showing my pain of rejection to her. As i know, the mutual feeling is not there and she was honest to me. I did not hate her for her rejection but i only feel sad for my own feeling. We did converse 4 years ago again but it was different from the past. It was more reserve and i have put down the my feeling for her at that time. This is the first person i confessed my love for yet i do not regret of confessing even thought knowing the possibility of rejection. This first bitter lemon in my life.

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